REPOSTED BY LEI:
How to Bypass Ego-Driven Drama
Posted: 18 Sep 2017 04:43 PM PDT
THE WORLD IS full of drama. Rather than deal with reality in a constructive way, we engage in drama. It’s easier than working on what we need to deal with. It makes us feel like we are doing something. We like it, and we bring it to work.
Cy Wakeman writes in No Ego, that we spend way too much time in the workplace dealing with drama caused by our egos. Ego driven behaviors include:
- Dealing with hurt feelings, misinterpretation, or speculation
- Dealing with employee hearsay or gossip
- Handling defensiveness and/or resistance to feedback
- Dealing with employees who vent or complain
- Addressing employees who tattle on or judge others
- Addressing employees who compare their situations with others
When we are frustrated, hurt, or angry, we vent. “Venting is the ego’s way of avoiding self-reflection.” As Wakeman points out, venting does solve anything and only creates more negativity, which as we know, deteriorates our ability to think rationally. “Venting leaves people stuck in ego. It stunts growth and kills accountability.” If we encourage venting, we are preventing people from learning and growing into the person they need to become.
To diffuse venting and bypass the ego, we need to move people into a different frame of mind: self-reflection. Self-reflection allows for accountability. And accountability allows people to amplify their strengths. Better all the way around.
Wakeman suggests bringing people back to reality by asking some ego-bypass questions:
• What do you know for sure?
• What would be most helpful in this situation?
• What could you do next that would add value?
• What could you do right now to help?
• Would you rather be right or happy?
• What is helpful in this situation—your expertise or your opinion?
• How could we make this work?
People who love their drama will not appreciate this approach. “Reality, self-reflection, and accountability make the ego very nervous. It doesn’t want to venture outside its comfort zone, so it will cling to the old and look for every possible way to torpedo change.” Ego resists things like “Mental flexibility, self-reflection, taking full accountability, forgiveness, letting go and moving on.”
Check Your Own Ego
This isn’t tough love, says Wakeman. “Reality is rough. Leadership is love.” If you are going to work to diminish the drama in your workplace, there are a few things Wakeman recommends we keep in mind.
• Be gentle. You want to wake people up, but not by violently shaking them up.
• Work with those willing to make the call.
• Summon up all the compassion you can. We are all human.
• Forgive others early and often.
And most importantly: Check your own ego before you attempt to engage another’s.
Here are some takeaways from No Ego:
- Professionals give others the benefit of the doubt—they assume noble intent.
- Your circumstances are not the reason you can’t succeed; they are the reality in which you must succeed.
- Engagement without accountability creates entitlement.
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